3.31.2009

feeling stuck

I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I guess I just feel stuck. Stuck between my family. Stuck between my friends. Stuck between life. I feel like no matter what I do I'll never be able to make anything better. I'm just trying so hard. I don't know. What can I do?... I seem to find pain on both sides of the fence. So many things are going on at one time I feel like my hearts just going to break. I'm trying to stay strong, for the people around me. Trying so hard. It just can't seem to be able to bridge the gap. I feel like there are a million different voices crying out to me at once and I just want it all to stop. All I want to know is why people hurt eachother? What does fighting accomplish. This is such a huge thing that I've live with throughout my entire life- even from when I was a little kid. Where is the love in this world? Where is the faith? Where is the forgiveness? Where is anything.... My parents, my friends, my siblings, school, and in myself... this constant struggle.... all around me. I can't figure anything out.
I don't want to make things worse by trying to make them better.

2 comments:

  1. One thing I know for sure is that people will get upset sometimes. It's just a given. And it seems the way others react to that makes all the difference. When I get upset it's because I want to be heard or understood. If the person I'm talking to (or yelling at) stops and listens to me and makes an effort to understand why I'm upset, then it passes quickly. When they react back in anger it makes it so much worse.

    When others are upset, angry, hurt, sad... around you, try to understand how they are feeling and listen to what they are saying. If you can put yourself in their shoes it might make more sense as to why they are upset and you may find it easier to help make the situation better.

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  2. I am listening to your music and trying to find some comfort for you and the song that is playing says it all "These Hard Times". I love it. When life gets me down and I am concerned for my fellow man (and sons and daughters) I go immediately to my scriptures. I have many favorites but, I found one I hope will help you in your situation. Jacob 3:1. Put heartache in place of destruction. Remember(and I know it's hard) the Lord is there for you and lean on Him. I will add your problem to my prayers. Remember,too, I love you and I am here for you. I am sorry we don't get to see each other but, I include you and your brothers in my prayers every night. You can call me anytime or send me an email. I am so very proud of you. Grandma Souder

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i'm fifteen years old.
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"A human being is a part of a whole. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty" -Albert Einstein

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